Who Wears The Pants in Your Home?

Leahcim Semaj, PhD - Change Agent

One fundamental approach to understanding Human Behaviour it that there are critical elements required for our well-being. These are called needs. Needs are forces that organize our perceptions, judgement and actions to achieve competence. In a previous article I explored the two basic needs for work and intimacy. However, there are a number of other psychological needs that serve to round out our personality. We measure these need in the JobBank Personality Profile: ACHIEVEMENT, DOMINANCE, AFFILIATION, INDEPENDENCE, RESPECT, EMPATHY, SUPPORT, RESPONSIBILITY, INTROSPECTION, EXHIBITION, AGGRESSION,
GENDER SENSITIVITY, CHANGE, ORDER, ENDURANCE.

The needs for Dominance and Achievement to a great extent influence how a person exercises power and relates to people close to them. These need, when in conflict, form the base for many problems in relationships. Many a domestic dispute, some quite tragic, has their foundation here. As women move up educationally and then translate the achievement into more authority and income at work, many men are having problems adjusting to the corresponding changes at home. Post secondary training in Jamaica is approximately 75% female. This set the foundation for the satisfaction of these two needs. How do you and your partner match up?

WHAT IS DOMINANCE?
The need to dominate is the need to control one's environment, to influence or direct the behaviour of others by suggesting, persuading, or commanding. We can also call this power. It is the need to supervise and direct the activities of others, to be in charge. In general, men with a high need for dominance tend to say that an ideal wife would be a woman who is dependent. A dependent woman allows a man with high dominance need to have feelings of superiority. We were socialized to believe that the man should be the dominant partner in the relationship. “He should wear the pants”. Many women feel otherwise and have this need nurtured in the work arena. Can she subordinate this need when she gets back home if her partner also has a high need for dominance? Ladies, let me hear from you how you are doing with one. Men, how are you coping with your partner becoming more consciously dominant? If you are in the planning stage for marriage this is one of the “small stuff’ that could surface to haunt you when the shine wears off the ball.

WHAT IS ACHIEVEMENT?
The need for achievement is the need to do one's best, to be successful, to accomplish tasks that require skill and effort. Achievement can be satisfied in the areas of athletic abilities, intellectual distinction, production of physical objects, or dramatic skill, to name just a few. The need for achievement is usually an individualistic drive rather than a collaborative one. A person with a need for achievement seeks tasks that require his or her personal expertise, skill, and effort. Most often, the achievement-needy person will carry out these tasks alone, not as part of a team. A person with an exclusive need for achievement is unable to delegate tasks to others or hovers over them, trying to do their work for them. These persons are more often attracted to tasks of moderate difficulty.
They often times take up occupational goals that are challenging but realistic, if effort and preparation are applied.

People low in Achievement prefer tasks that are either very easy or very hard. There is not much pressure in approaching easy tasks, not much fear of failure. However, when they tackle difficult tasks, doing poorly will not reflect badly on them, but there is always a long shop that they might get lucky and get it right. So they keep being attracted to one pipe dream after the other, much to the frustration of the partner.

This need is also the source of strains on many relationships, especially when one partner is strongly driven to achieve and the other is not. Many times one partner have some unresolved dreams and ambitions that still keep haunting them. When it comes up the partner who does not share the drive keeps belittling the other. In the past many women were contented to bask in the achievement of their men. Today, women feel a greater need to achieve on their terms. Many men are not adjusting very well. How are you doing in this area? If you are in the planning stage this is another “small stuff” that has serious long-term consequence.